at first thought of sleeping earlier today..
so I could wake up earlier tomorrow and start revising my calculus ..
unfortunately..
I cant sleep…
Is not the first time..
Since last week, almost every night I cant sleep..
I try every single way like counting star..
Even count how many time the fan spin..
I just cant sleep..
I dunno why..
Just now, I realise I haven order cake..
This Sunday is buu buu birthday..
22 years old le..
I called mami and ask her help me to order a longan cake..
I remember I bought this cake last year…
Actually I just wanna show that nothing had change..
Everything is still the same..
But then I ask him what cake he want..
He told me chocolate..
So I change my mind..
I was thinking of giving him a surprise..
But then I forgot that his buddy had plan to go for clubbing..
As I promised earlier..
I will go with him..
Can consider is my first time…
Before this, I have really spend some time on thinking what clothes to wear..
But now..
No more..
I just simply pick up a dress with some accessories..
Do you realise there’s some problem between us?
Have u notice your sms never more than 2 lines?
Other than “oh”, “erm”, “muacks”,..there’s nothing else..
U said is because no time..
When u free..i will be studying…
When Im free, u will be working..
And when both of us are free..
U got nothing to say..
You said it was because nothing happened so you got nothing to say..
Did you ever heard that a couple have nothing to say to each other?
I dunno izzit because I just keep avoiding the truth..
I just lying myself..
I cant even remember when is the last time u said “I love you”..
It seems like years ago..
I remember u used to be the type of guy that go out hanging out with your friend every night before we were together..
But since we were together..
You spend your night time smsing with me at home..
I spend most of my time study so I dun have time for you?
Den what about when we just started?
I was in form5..
I spend most of my time study too..
Our physical distance can be reached by just one hour and 15 minutes..
But our hearts seems thousands of miles away..
Things really changed…
One of my friend used to be a very good girl that reject sex before marriage so much..
But now..
She went clubbing just like I eat mix rice..
And the guy that she brought home everytime is just has more variety than those dishes I can choose for my mix rice..
People say long distance relationship is really very hard to maintain..
All my ex before you..
Are all long distance relationship..
You are the first one that live in the same town with me..
But now..again..we are far from each other..
Sometimes I even wondering the message you sent me izzit a message from a boy to his gf..
There’s no more care..no more love..
Every night before I sleep..
I look at our ring..
I told myself..
No matter what happen tomorrow..
No matter how many obstacle..
No matter how tough..
No matter how hard..
I will go through everything on my own..
I remember before you give me the ring..
We have a big fight..
And we almost break up..
You went to the shop and bought this ring..
You told me if I din forgive u and accept the ring..
You going to give it to any girl …
You told me this about a few months after I wore the ring..
I was glad that I accepted you..
Your birthday present..
I really make it with all my love..
The cap is bought..
So I got nothing much to say..
I just help you to get something that you like..
The booklet..
I spend my midnight time..
Write every words …
Plan carefully should use what colour next..
The sequence..
I just hope it will tighten up our relationship..
But unluckily..
I think I have failed..
I am always a failure in love..
I dunno what can I do and say to save back our relationship..
Izzit similar like my phone?
Water damage..
Meaning already damage with no cure..
Although still functioning well for quite some time..
But now,
Its dead..
Our relationship has too much hurts…
I try to heal..
Although the wound is heal…
But the scar will forever be there..
I thought we really understand each other..
I thought silence can be spoken..
But I was so so wrong..
There’s no such a person in this world..
More adult will advise that find some one that have similar education background be your another one..
But I just keep saying that this wasn’t important..
As long as both of us happy together…
Can earn a living..
Then should be ok..
But now I found that..
It will affect the topic that both of you can talk about..
Sometimes I really hope that my bf is someone that can teach me a lot of things..
I dun need you to have a phD or even a degree..
Just normal life..some common sense thing then is enough le..
Izzit the time I should let it go?
I remember I asked you..
U still wanna be with me?
Or you wanna break with me..
U tell me you dunno..
My tears just flow..
How could you dunno?
A message telling your gf or bf to wakeup..
Remind him or her to take each meal on time..
Some motivating message for his or her work or study..
All these should be something sweet to do..
But since when..
It is not that sweet anymore?
Is just like something you must to everyday..
You are responsible to do everyday..
Just like brushing your teeth every morning after you wake up..
Or maybe I should just accept the truth..
The red light had start lighting long time ago..
I just stop myself from looking at it..
Or ..
We really need to talk over it..
Written @
1:10 PM
